The flying Wolf

2012-02-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

RISING UP WITHOUT BURNING DOWN

When we talk about the globalization of our economy andthen start boasting of our redundant growth in spite of the financial turmoilentrapping the world, there is a cabal of skewed eyes to our opinions. Theseare the people who call themselves environmental fighters. This gives us asociety divided into two factions:

The optimists of globalization who embrace free trade,free markets, liberalization and privatization,

Anchor to the impressive growth rates of GDP, totaltrade, foreign direct investment and institutional

Investments and foreign reserve reflect optimum. At theother extreme are the pessimist who detest

Multinational and globalization and believe free tradefavors developed nations and will lead to

Western cultural and economic invasion, slowly tearingapart the cultural fabric and national identity.

They refer to visible poverty, farmer suicides, abysmalinfrastructure and low spending on health care

And education to discount progress. Rural India remainsimpoverished and urban India finds itself

Polluted, chaotic and deteriorating. In this context thispaper analyses the impact of globalization on

The environment of Indian economy.

In the Indian context globalization plays a gargantuanrole, because of the economic slowdown in the western world, most of the MNCsare looking towards India. The huge jump in the automobile sector is a clearindication of that. It is supporting our economy to keep up the GDP growth rateafloat. The automobile sector is just the tip of the iceberg because of cheap labor,lack of judicial accountability, proper environmental protection laws and easyavailability of land among others any company gets a fillip to invest in theIndian market, be it through institutional investors on direct investors. So inlieu of the facts any one can say that our growth story looks robust and eventhough the western crises may continue but the domestic demands will preventout growth rate from nose diving.

But now look at the other picture, in a energy deficientcountry like ours, for the industry to grow at this pace we will need brobdingnagianproportions of energy. Where will that energy come from? Nuclear!!! With theaccountability laws available, I don’t think so. Oil!!! Seems unlikely we canhardly manage oil the oil for our transport sector. The only option left for usnow is coal. That means we are going to invest heavily in the mining industry,subsequently burning it in the power plant to get the energy. Seems fairenough. STOP ! . there are 2fundamental flaws with this line of thinking until recently no one cared muchabout the mining licenses but after the 2-G scam now the allocation of coalblocks through competitive bidding. The greater setback is in the environmentalfield where now GO and NO-GO areas have been defined. Though the ministry ofmines is still pushing for clearances but the environment ministry under theleadership of shri. Jai Ram Ramesh was reluctant for it. Even though it isevidently clear that outrageous mining has disastrous impact on the environmentstill we want to go for it, the big question is WHY?

Here is the crux of all this argument, somehow a factionof people think that economic growth is much more important, even at the costof environment. These people are the ones at the top of the food chain. It issaid that in the fight between money and environment, money always wins. Someof us immediately pop up the question money or air is necessary for oursurvival? A wise economist will answer “I will pack clean air in packets andthen sell them to earn profits.” The triumph of money over environment wasrecently re-established in the US when because of the slowdown the prices ofsolar cells fell drastically and thus making them economically viable but stillthe federal government couldn’t invest in them. Why?? Because the fossil fueljunkie companies having being invested a lot in the politics couldn’t see Ithappen. The other aspect is that every nation is supposed to cut theiremissions, with this strategy I don’t see it happen. The main point thatemerges at this point is the most important thing is to have a lot of money andif you have money you can even have considerable influence over the wordsstrongest democracies. Some of you might disagree but the wars in Middle East??Did it bring anything to your recollection?? Where are the weapons of mass destructions??

Greendex overall scores

Who is to blame for thissorry state of environment? Most of us in the developing world will pointfingers towards the developed world. This to a certain extent is correct theyhave burned a lot of fossil fuels. So should we blame the entire massacre ofenvironment on them?? It may be interesting to see things from the otherperspective, we in the developing world have a huge population, 36% of the world’spopulation lives in India and China so our per capita emissions will definitelybe low, on the other hand with developed world with a lesser population is boundto have higher per capita emissions. Is this the correct logic? Well the debateis still on. That’s the basic reason the US is always neglecting any legalbinding agreement. So does this mean Indian government should stop itsindustrialization let its people be poor and thus let millions die ofstarvation?? I don’t agree with that. I don’t know still why Indian governmentis so willingly taking on the cuts. Who am I to judge? How fare is that therich countries can buy carbon credits of the poor countries and then they don’thave to go for any cuts all they have to do is practically pay some amount forit. Well I am not a judge but a noble prize was given just for this concept.Doesn’t it look like a western controversy?? Here is another fact when richguys want to pay with the poor all they do is give useless incentives to theother nations. Assume an American policy maker say “ok these are the developingcountries they are shouting foul about my emissions why don’t I make a commentand make a the chairman from these countries so that he will definitely workhard for getting commitments from his country”. I am not judging anyone all Iam saying is it is a possibility at least the data shows it.

CONCLUSION: Globalizationin India has not led to a uniform consensus on ways of achieving

Sustainable development methods. Globalization measuresare only end of the pipeline clean ups and there is no more to have a quantumshift towards green, sustainable and environmentally friendly methods ofproduction and to phase out the environmentally destructive mod of development.Globalization could have been the key element in the introduction ofsustainable practices everywhere but short term and vested interests ofpowerful TNCs and industrial countries have made certain that there is nodigression to a sustainable path: which would affect their own profits. Sincesustainable technology and commodities are not available in all sectors andneed to be evolved both economic and environmental policies should unite toencourage the growth of and research in alternative methods of production andconsumption that are environmentally safe. If the same amount of subsides,incentives, coercion research as well as free trade that is directed at presentto unsustainable development, is instead directed to green industries and products,then there is hope that the environmentally destructive path of the present globalizationregime will be averted and sustainable development will become a reality. Thetragic result of globalization in India is increase of human misery andecological degradation.

2011-04-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

Crush

2011-01-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

Few days back I talked to my childhood days crush, I mean like when I was a toddler. Guess what could be your Brobdingnagian nightmare ......no not that easy.....

I talked to her for some time we shared few pleasantries I had my hopes bagged on her things were going on smooth. It happened like I had in my thoughts, she was grown and better ..Come on who am I kidding she was beyond I could ever imagine and on top of that she is almost a doctor (will be soon).

She was really nice to me and I am not bragging but she sounded as beautiful as she looked. I was just like I had always been not really positive but my heart was pounding and blood was rushing to my head like lightning ready to fuse the little bulb I have on the top of my body. I tried to keep it cool but I couldn't hold the dam much before exploding I asked her the most important question, I would like to remind you the situation clearly before striking on the gong. I had never talked to this girl when I was a kid, I mean like never ever. I was fortunate that she knew I ever existed. It was after 10 years she came to know that I was still alive. So here I was waiting for my omega moment I asked her "do you have a bf?”

What could have been the response??? You know if we think that whatever we want to do will succeed in that, not really true. I was buffeted by the response I got. Yeah yeah she has a BF so what big deal. Like I said she never knew anything and I was not strong enough (however strong I may look) to hold it, I told her about my crush anyways. Yeah that’s true I was being selfish I just wanted to lift off the load from my chest. It was really nice of her, she still asked for my number and ...lol I had to give it.

I know and most of you guys also must have got the hint it was much more than just a crush. I am still swinging like a pendulum under all the ideal conditions you could imagine, not damping never trying to stop....I hope there is way I can stop myself. I don’t want to lose the battle even before giving it a shot.

America u suck.....

2011-01-11T07:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever dreamt of going to america or USA to be precise, living there, been facinated or lured by the life. You may say you wont but the truth is you all have thought a lot about the teenage life there with chicks and Beer.

Looks are deciving the life there may not be as good as it may seem to us. I can assure you its not one of my geeky observation or any crancky one……..! well almost but its backed by second hand experience. USA is full of people(poor people) who are from middle east (uprooted because of dispute since archian period) , jews who were forced to leave their mother land because of israil-palistine unsynchronous war or because of the nazis. I just hate them I don’t adore jews that much I loath nazis. I knew this one girl Ellyot she was from israil. The migrated to USA with little money they had. Her dad put in his soul to work there and earn bread for his family. Soon the work took over him and that bent his back he kept pushing his limits, he had nerves of steel but steel too had its limits soon he succumbed to the pressure of work there wich was multipied for him for being an israili. She had a elder brother who took a place of a palm tree when a banyan tree was expected of him, he left his family and refused to support his family. Then the little girl was about 14, yeah that is the age when most of the chicks inn US loose there flower (I guess you know what that means …..lol) . she had her kiddo bro and her mom to support. She dropped out of school and she had to take up many jobs to support and strengthen her family. There waas a ttime when she had to take 5 jobs at once. When it seemed that things were going smooth god wanted to make things worse for her. Her mom died due to prolonged cancer. Her eyes were numb , heart beating sluggishly. When she was making her sand house a big storm came to take everything from her the entire universe conspired against her. Don’t stop here when we are thinking if things could get any worse . yes it did!!!!! You must have herd “if the end is well then all is well” but in this case I would like to propose if it begins with a gauche it will end like a sinister. That was the fate she suffered, she and her little brother died in a accident. It was like her entire family was sweot from the face of earth.

I don’t know why people think that they are part of a acumen culture in USA. A culture which produces bullies and perverts and a low percentage of geeks who never get what they deserve. All those turds who think of themselves as college princes end serving those geek. Those girls I don’t want to, I don’t think they are worth to mention. They think they are living in a free and liberal country but even today they are treated like material belongings even after so many suffrogate movements nothing has moved yet. When will they get the respect they deserve? Still have to sleep around to get jobs, increments and sometimes just to be accepted in friends. God give them some power for cerebration. For all who went there I just have one question does it worth?

In reality it is a capitalist country ruled by corprate gaints and the people who cant even look beyond the sugar coated reality presented to them.

Decose

2010-11-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

my head is still swinging, it feels so great though it is so difficult to have control over your head and this over your body. Sweet mother of all.

the day didn't started so well, you know how it started my soap fell into into the toilet while i was using it man...... that was fucking hilarious , i had to use the soap but i had to flush it off . dude

the moment that happened i knew i had to screw my day one way the other,,,,

i tried to put in my best so went on with 'fear is the key' it was just fine not fear full at all. then i went to mineral wing just to get relaxed i guess i went to pammis well not much the usual BC the crowd went on building and i went back the memory lane to get 'decose' the cough serup we used in the first year a lot, I know that sounds crazy but you gotta try decose its far better than anything …mmmmm.

With that we also ate gooday to make our day good and just the usual BC and sardar jokes went on. I came back to my room went for a bath and since then my head is swinging and I just want to nod sideways to anything or everything, too good.

After lunch I couldn’t do anything just went straight inside my sheet .though the turds outside were creating havoc for any toddler sleeper but my sleep engine was powered by docose in spite of the worse conditions I slept for 4 hours. Even when I woke I can’t still feel my head its still swinging and I am like roaming in the endless universe bouncing on the wreck of asteroids and still loving it, defying all norms of Newton or gravity for that matter. I love you decose. mmmmmmmmmuuuuuaaaahhhhhhhh

NATHAN

2010-11-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: how do you make yourself cry/blush/ect.?

You: i dont know

You: i am not a girl

Stranger: =(

Stranger: age?

You: 20

Stranger: 14

You: hi kiddo

Stranger: hi you seem old enough to not be a perv

You: yeah i am not a pervert

Stranger: most boys my age are

You: well what can i say they are

You: not just your age but mostly

You: lol

Stranger: what's your job?

You: i am an engineering student for noww

You: i dont work sorry for that

Stranger: is ok, what sort of engineering?

You: mineral and materials

Stranger: k

You: what about you?

You: which grade?

Stranger: 9th

You: cool nice

Stranger: do you know why most boy's my age are perverts?

You: they just are, they are more open about their feelings

You: and as soon as they hit puberty they can only think about just one thing

You: are you also one of those guys?

Stranger: i am NOT a pervert!!!

You: ok cool it

You: i dont care if you are a pervert or not

You: why do you have such an issue with them?

You: tell me you are not gay

Stranger: did i ever say my gender?

You: nope

You: but anyone can guess

Stranger: i don't know if i'm gay or not, i'm fine with any sexual preference though

You: you are bi then

You: and at this moment you sound like a heart broken girl

Stranger: i would honestly rather be a girl

You: lol i told you you are gay

You: yeah guys are pervs so get over with it

Stranger: it anoys me to hear so many perverted conversations

You: then dont

You: you need to be friends with girls

You: and you can tell them you are gay

You: and also there are lot of gay people as well at your disposal

Stranger: but wouldn't it be embarrassing to openly discuss my sexual preference?

You: nope i dont think so

You: why would it be?

You: you were born gay not your fault

You: i am cool with having a gay friend even though i am not gay

Stranger: it seems like it'd be embarrassing like confessing

You: no it wont be

You: people may make fun of you

You: but it doesnt matter

You: you have got to be really what you are that is more important

Stranger: i'm surprised i'm not piked on more
i'm nerdy after all

You: lol so was i

You: nerd not a gay

You: its perfectly fine nothing to worry about, let people bully you and try to make fun of them

Stranger: my problem is i have trouble just starting a conversation with people

You: you dont have to

You: just keep quite and do your work people will talk to you themselves

Stranger: yes a few, but i'm not that good a continuing conversations, i usually just answer or ask questions that i desire to know the answer to

You: that is the best thing to do

You: you are going great dont worry about anything

Stranger: even though i've haven't made 10 friends in the last 13 years?

You: but those will be your real friends

You: i have made just 4 real friends in 20 years

You: though i have countless friends

Stranger: well how do you make more friends even if they aren't real friends?

Stranger: or a girl/boyfriend?

You: just class mates

You: i dont have a girlfriend

You: i never had any

You: and i am not planning for any

Stranger: I probably have few friends because the only thing I consider friends is true friends

You: yeah

You: thats better

Stranger: you should look for a girlfriend, don't you want to get married and have kids and grand kids?

You: i dont know

You: i dont have any gf and may be i will not have any

You: i am not good with girls

You: nerdy thing

Stranger: i'm not good with people, i'm an intravert

You: i am good with guys

You: i am an ambivert

You: i just dont meet to a lot of girls thats all

Stranger: ambivert? you mean extravert?

Stranger: meet to?

You: both

You: i can be introvert and extrovert

Stranger: k

Stranger: what would be your reaction if i told you i was a girl?

You: you are just 14 so nothing much

You: lol

You: you are just a kid and it wont matter even if you were a girl

Stranger: what if i told u earlier that i was 15-17, it's interesting when you pretend to a be a 15-17 year old girl

You: lol well nothing much then as well

You: we could have been good friends thats all

Stranger: why do you suppose i wish to be a girl?

You: i didn't you told me you wanted to be a girl

You: and that does mean you are a guy

Stranger: have, you ever confessed?

You: confessed what ?

You: i never did anything that bad

Stranger: confessed love

You: and i might have confessed a lot of petty things

You: well yeah i did when i was in school

Stranger: how'd you get over the nervousness?

You: i was such a geek , i never talked to a girl and the 1st thing i said was 'i love you and i want to spend rest of my life with you'

You: the suspence was eating me away

You: and i had to tell her coz i was not able to do anything

You: hang on brb

You: back

Stranger: what do you suppose his reaction would be if i confessed? as far as i know he's not gay

You: he will say listen i like you a lot as a guy and i am not gay we can be friends but i cant love you like you want

You: i suppose if he is not a jerk he would say this

Stranger: what do you suppose his expression would be?

You: confused

You: and shocked

Stranger: how can i get over the nervousness of confessing to him?

You: you can do that by thinking what might be the ugliest condition

You: it helped me, i knew that the girl wont ever say yes so i was cool

You: i knew what will come out of it and so do you now

Stranger: but that still doesn't help my nervousness

You: it worked for me you have to figure it out

Stranger: how might i become less embarrassed about the idea of actually wearing girls clothes?

You: good luck to you

You: well that is pretty weired

You: if you want that why dont you go for a sex change operation

You: then things might get straight for you

Stranger: since i want to be a girl i really want to wear girl's clothes to school but i'd be too embarased

Stranger: it's also weird that he has the same name as me

You: it would be better if you go for a sex change operation

You: yeah that will be weired if you would wear girls clothes

Stranger: how would i tell my parents? about sex change

You: you will have to tell them that

You: you have got to trust them with this nothing can help you with it

Stranger: but i'd be too nervous to tell them

You: you have to get over with it

You: or you will be like a girl living ina guys body forever

Stranger: i think i might actually be bi

You: ok may be

You: may i know your name?

Stranger: would it be weirder if i got a sex change and still liked girls, or just didn't get a sex change and liked guys

Stranger: nathan

You: ok yeah that will be

You: give yourself a chance

You: may be you are a bi rather than just gay

You: and do you still like girls?

Stranger: i'm too shy around them, the first time i noticed i liked someone was when i for some reason thought she liked me

You: thats fine

You: and you like guys as well

You: what can i say , you are bi live with it and you cant wear girls clothes to school

Stranger: why nit?

Stranger: not*

You: coz you are in a guys body

Stranger: so i can't cross dress?

You: that would be really weired and everyone will make fun of you for no reason

You: you can wear jeans and Ts like girls do

Stranger: you mean like the jeans that actually FIT as appose to those baggy ones?

You: yeah

Stranger: do people actually blush?

You: girls do

You: i dont know much about guys doing that

You: but yeah there is a guy here who pretends to blush like them

You: lol

You: anyways i have to go now

Stranger: bye

Sad Demise of Duel Degree

2010-10-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

I just woke up feeling really tired after the entire afternoon which I spend almost standing, well I was not given any punishment for something I did but I was given the punishment for the mistake that I had done almost three years back. I chose to be a part of this old institution which is standing on the ground that was supported by the British empire though the support was uprooted way back but the college still cripples and yet to stand on its own feet.

One such step taken by the crippled institution was the introduction of the so called duel degree. They provide two degrees of btech and mtech in five years. It was the mistake I was talking about. I had no idea in which filthy shit I was putting my hands. When I joined in I was to be true not in my heights of spirits because I had already had a five year course that in itself was a huge investment, I was not hoping to become Warren Buffett but still I had a dream of Chetan Bhagat in my head. When I joined in I was assured by many that I will get a nice job and since I will have 2 degrees so may I could hope for a little edge over my btech friends. Still in the remotest areas of my head I had a fear what if whatever I have heard do not materializes. As my stay here prolonged so did my views. I was quite sure of the sad demise I was to go through. All the people around me had a nick name for me as ‘frustu’. Now I am in no sucking mood to extend writing it here. The people who called for my morbid fears today realized what will be their future. The duel degree people who were supposed to get a privilege today found that they have been kicked out of every possible entry into the companies. They won’t even allow us to appear for the interviews it’s like they want us to drink water without even letting us to touch water with any part of our body. On this too our department professors are behaving like stoic loudmouthed mannequins acting like sick diplomats. I don’t know what will they do and what will be the situation for me but the sad demise of the present batch is evident. Why won’t be they act like this, they were admitted 5 years back their batch mates who got interns in their 3^rd year and they were mute spectators when they were made a laughing stock by all the people around them and even by their batch mates and branch mates but they had to just bear with everything. Later their batch mates who were no better than them got jobs while they had just sit and watch. Even after one year now when all their batch mates are long gone still they are not kept at par with even with their juniors. When no company is accepting them. What is their fault they had done the same exam studied the same thing and even studied one more year then others did, still they will not get a job? I can’t understand what will they tell to their parents what will be the future of their carrier? And who the hell gives a rats ass about their future they were just a piece of experiments but the filthy diplomatic morons who now just step aside when it came for the crunch moment. I know we are not losers at the moment the world seems to have just vanished like needle in the universe but I know a time will come when we will empower ourselves and I promise when the day comes I will never give a fuck about this blood sucking life and the pressure that is being thrown up on us.

Spinning Silhouette Illusion

2010-08-31T11:16:00.000-07:00

My day was not as juvenile as I had expected. Yeah..guess what I had learned to accept that I am dumb. I am not sure about you either. You must be knowing that it is really trendy to forward all those emails which are already forwarded by millions of people you don’t have any dam idea about. Specially those emails that have some inspirational message/ quizes and puzzels. The person who sends you those “forwarded” emails feels great proud even if he was not able to solve it.

Today I am also talking about such a visual illusion that my friend send me. At first I thought it was really a big deal as it had claims like the person who can just see it must have a IQ level of 160+. ……lol I am talking about the ‘Spinning Silhouette Illusion’.

http://www.uncleardestination.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/spinning-shadow-illusion.gif

In this image depending on yourself you will feel as if the shadow of the dancer is spinning in clockwise direction or anticlockwise direction. People claim that the direction in which you see it spinning your opposite brain to that side is working more …..bla bla……. But it is not!!!!!!! There is no relation between your side of the brain and the rotation. So how does this both side rotation thing work?????

Let me explain it to you. The spinning dancer is actually a shadow. So when it rotates you cannot say which of her side or leg is in the front or which one is in the rear. What we see is just a to and fro motion of legs slowly and almost same with the upper side. So let us suppose you see it moving in clockwise direction, when her legs overlap each other or in other words her body is in sideways position if her moving leg is in front of you think it is in the rear side of the leg that is stable at its position. As it is just a shadow so it will not make a difference. But as soon as you imagine it to be at the rare end it now seems to come towards you rotating in a anticlockwise direction. Congo ……

You have gained an IQ of above 160. You have changed the direction of spin. Now as this leg will be on the front side rotating in the anticlockwise direction as soon as the cross overlap between the legs happen if you again see the leg coming now from backward direction rather than going backward from front, you can again shift the direction of spin. This shift can happen at every crossover of the legs so you can actually make the shadow oscillate between clockwise and counter clockwise direction. Lol what have you done you can not only change the direction of spin, you can even make her to oscillate. So I bet if those guys who can just see both directions of spin have an IQ of 160+ then you definitely have an IQ of 180+ congrulations man. Hahahaha yeah I don’t expect any girl to understand it even after so much explanation by me. Have a good imagination guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

’

2010-08-28T02:47:00.000-07:00

I have got to admit I don’t write, rather it is my subject that writes for itself I am just a medium. Lately my activity has seen a decline on my blog just like the decline in the US economy unlike it I am joining the Indian economy and trying to regain the lost charm in writing.

As I said I don’t write it is my subject that writes for itself, so I finally got a subject which is a buzz world among the people around me even getting more famous than “Porn”. If you been through this time of your life you might have guessed what I am talking about. It is future more like the “fatureee” in our case. People around me have just got a bump in their ambitions and trust me this bump is more than the jump in the sensex. Though as we all know sensex is really volatile so looks the “bump”. Everyone is trying to make the most of their time, though they don’t even know what the value of their time is. It has been wisely said the best way of using your time is to “do what you love to do” so that at the end of the day you don’t consider your time as a waste.

Try to be like a child. We all say that we miss our childhood days. What was so great about those days?

Let me remind a few things about yourself back in those days:

You never thought of failure even before attempting any feat be it catching a snake. Now you don’t do things you just keep hold of your snake and leave everything behind. We have become so scared of failure.

Earlier we used to question everything and now we simply don’t care. Oh come on don’t give me this shit that you don’t care. The truth is you can’t even if you want to. We used to learn so much in those days and now we don’t even bother to learn.

Who am I fooling you won’t change now. We never respect what we have, and it’s not just males even no one respects present. As we miss our school days and keep maledicting our present days. A time will sure come when we all will be working or studying for alien aims. We will all remember these days. our time now when we have so much leisure time to full fill all our desires but we don’t do anything but just lamenting on the past, keep apprehending about the future and never respect our present.

nightmare

2010-06-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

When people realize that they have to go through a nightmare, they tend to take some rest before facing their night monster. Same was my plan. On the night before the hunt, when I was supposed to go to Vizag (hot and humid). I was all alone in the wing, stories of ghosts in the 7th wing were trying to haunt me but I was busy in something, also because of that I avoided supernatural at night. I was talking to this 14 year old English girl filled with loads of attitude and rudeness everything that you hate. But still we were talking and she was a little more than just a friend ….............virtually ;) she is strange a lot of times, I asked her if I could add her friends and then we can be like a whole group of friends. She flatly refused and threatened to kill me if I do that. But I kept pushing her for two days and she was like a rude rock not moved even a little. She had a fear in her head and I must say I also had a little idea about it but I never actually cared much. Yeah you know girls care and she cared a lot. Just like a winter shower she said I could add her favorite friend and she is going out for some time. I added her friend and talked to her everything from the smallest thing to the largest thing a guy can dream of. She felt just normal and we were doing it fine but I felt she was getting bored as I was feeling.
So I started talking about the stuff every guy love and girls to love it they accept it or not but they do. She felt happy and to add to her self-praised hump I also boasted her. Though some of that was even true for real. Then after sometime she went and I was done with her. By this time another guy had arrived to help me pass through the 'kill' night. I went to him and ate a lot of his 'stuff' and even went out with him at 12 in the night to have a drink but to my bad luck couldn't get any. When I came back and logged on to my account my real girl was waiting for me with her lions burning to kill me. Even before I could I say anything she said me to 'fuck off'. She just acted the way my wife would have acted. She was so mad at me almost firing at me with the sentences that I said while talking to her friend, which must not be known to her. I had told her friend not to tell those things like”you are so sexy....bla bla....don't tell her that I said this to you....she might feel bad” because she never wanted me to add her friend which I already did. I even talked to her out of the general way. All the time when I was talking (bitching) to her friend she was sitting just besides her and they both were reading it together. I shouldn't say but actually they must have been mocking at me all the time. Too good just a small arrogant girl got the worst out of me. She was freaking angry over me. She said she was so close to delete me but she didn't. She always says and wants to prove that she is rude and tough as a rock but to me she looks like a soft coconut from inside. I had never been sweet or too good to her though I say that all the time to her. Even the 1st day when we started talking we talked about sex. I tried a lot to convince her but she was not listening to me at all. When she was done what she had to say she even stopped replying to me. Deep down inside me I had hope that I might get something out of her. As her replies died the hope inside me was also settling in the ocean but I kept trying all the nice things. I had just one hope even when I was flirting with her friend I had always said how I feel about her and what all I had thought about our future. I kept saying but no replies came. After a long time I said she was being rude because of not replying to me. She bumped up again and told me who was actually rude she or me? An hour or so passed like this without discussion cum my repenting and her ignoring. Deep down inside me were rising. When I said not to be mad at me she told me to get used to it because she is gonna be mad at me a lot of times, means we were not done yet ….:) once she said she will die if I die. After another hour of my battle with her ignorance took the night to the rays of the morning sun. by the time at least she had not given on me. I have to gain her trust now, I can’t take it for granted that made me a little happy, by this morning hour two of my false drink mates had joined me. All they knew was that I didn't slept the whole night before I was supposed to leave for the kill and all the time I was just talking to this girl. They saw me chatting and like any other guy asked me for her picture. I showed them the picture and though I never thought that she was beautiful but one of my friend thought she was sweet and I don't know from where and why but I suddenly saw that, she was a bit cute and beautiful as well. Good for me anyways I kept myself on the same line. It was morning here and getting really dark there. She had never slept past 10 and it was 2am now there. She asked me for my permission to leave. Why would she do it? May be there was still something there for me left in her heart. I had spent the whole sleepless night, now the night monster was taking on me as well. She didn't went without my permission, well good for me anyways. She was dying to sleep. She said will I let her go if she was still friends with me but I didn't. She was getting sleepy and frustrated. At last she said what I wanted to hear and finally my effort for the night paid off. I was happy to leave now with a beautiful thought in my head. I don't know why but I really felt good. My god let me have the same feel forever.

BODYBUILDING

2010-03-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

Ah! Oh! Aah! Uuuuhhh! Don’t think I am about to come. While groaning in pain I was just thinking why I did that. The pain is going to burst my ass out and I will still make it worse for myself. This pain that I am going through is just like being fucked in the asshole.
This is for you phages, you nerds think that you only have the brains and the rest of the guys doing any other stuff are just a piece of junk. Here I am talking about bodybuilding. People think that the guys who don’t have the grey matter are intruded to it. As if the entire quota of grey matter was a gift to them only. I want to challenge you little creeps if you can’t even spare just half an hour to build your own temple how could you do anything for anyone ever.
It’s been said by one of the best ever(Arnold) that there is a pain barrier in bodybuilding and only a winner can cross it, it determines if you will become a winner or remain just a common man. It’s like you are dying out of pain and still you love it and raise the level of pain. It is just like sex. Think about the situation of a girl in sex the much more pain you can cause to her she loves it more. The more pain you can cause the more you can satisfy her. This may not be your cup of tea.
It’s when the pain takes over you and you feel as if you are about to die but still you can’t stop you have to go on and on. It’s like if you can fuck yourself than you can do it. If you are thinking that I fuck myself than yup you are bang on target. I am really good at fucking myself. It requires a great amount of your brain strength and self motivation. Same is with me the more weight I use in my workouts the more pain It causes and the more I love it. It is same kind of a feeling as if I want to come. Blood rushing through your veins, adrenaline being pumped into it and you are in a holy dip of your own sweat. It feels real good. That means I can come anytime I want as many times as I want.
Think the other way. What if you don’t see the results? That is what happens with most of the people. You won’t see the results that easy. At times I think what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I can’t become a professional, not even a modal but I have to keep doing it again and again and again. Without any reason. It’s all controlled from your head the adrenaline pumped in your blood makes the pain worth it.

FREE TIME

2010-03-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought, what is free time? what happens to our free time? and what can be done with that?
I pray i was a "sadhu" a guy having full controls over my desires. Which most of the times are evil. for others sure but not always good enough for me. That empty time just raises all your deep devils and in the darkness of the night when light itself is feared to live we here keep trying to fight in the devils inside us. The night when we concur ourselves must be the greatest night but not for long. Its not difficult to win but it if difficult to win over ourselves time and again.
I have also tried to win over myself a lot! sorry a few times but (these buts have started creating pains in my butts) i succeeded just for a short time. To kill the wild devil inside you the prime step might be to kill the free time that we have and which doesn't allow us to remain free.

industrial trip

2010-02-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

It was our first industrial trip cum a merry making trip. We are mineral engineering students who were taken to a mechanical engineering workshop as if we were to send to alien world where we were supposed to see how things for our world were made by them.
The whole mockery was started by our department only. They were so much confident of our laziness that they gave us the time two hours prior to what we were supposed to leave. Though they were stunned in their bed when we phoned them to tell that “we had reached the spot”. It doesn’t get over still though our bus was a fairly bigger one but the sitting space was shrieked. It made us realize that how we must have felt inside our mom waiting to be born. We were automatically divided in two groups. People on the front part had me and the rear part had happy guys who were playing cards and shouting comments without giving any pity to the teacher, they even smoked in the bus. I played losers game, better not to discuss. We finally reached the company through a locality crying loud for a complete facelift. The company guys gave us a warm welcome more than we expected. We realized how happy our parents must be the day we came out of our mom. The company looked a lot bigger than we were expecting, may be they made it look bigger to us. We gave a looks to how those big mills, crusher and classifiers were made. Our teacher looked like a small kid taking like a million seconds on every nail present over there. Well later he was confirmed a kid when he jumped to know that the company guys had arranged lunch for us. In the mean time guys were busy with their mean things and nerds were busy you know why and were? I kept myself away from all those photography sessions and gathering stuff as I am always from such things. After that we took our bus to more sort of a trip and we went to a dam which was not a part of our schedule but because of our department we made it possible. Again I kept my self away from much gathering .again our teacher made us realize that he is not pretending like a kid, he really is a kid. More or more it was a fine trip and yeah just a trip.
But it made me to realize that I like to live alone, and again the “ghost” from pushpendra past took over me. Whatever people may think of me “chutiya” or a looser whatever I don’t care I am what I am. I don’t want anyone to with me in that “chutiyapa” or whatever I don’t care for anyone and I don’t want anyone to care for me.

LOVELY HANGOVER

2010-01-16T02:19:00.000-08:00

Well I don’t know why I am writing this? But inside of me feels real good about it. Well I am going to talk about my first classic hangover. Yeah I don’t know how many more are goanna come, but certainly a lot of them for sure.
Though I was never into poly, it’s not a name of a girl I am talking about college politics. We guys were giving fresher welcome to our juniors and I don’t know the money that I paid dragged me there or may b it was my frustration or liquor may b for sure. But I just want to make it clear that I am not really into poly I did went to the party organized by the other group and even danced there as well where people from that group were not even dancing yeah it felt like being complete. Though if I have to talk about my party it all started with seniors making fun of all their juniors in all possible ways, it was a little different that u can see all those bookish seniors with having puffs and making nitrogen feel pity about its presence in the atmosphere as it was easily taken over by smoke. All the seniors were roaring like loins without even caring of how lame they sound, in front of their juniors who were dressed like lambs with their coats on and buttons tied up to the neck making them just perfect to be executed by the butchers. Though it was a kind of fun when juniors were giving their introduction by standing on the centre table and we were putting all kind of weird ideas that were really not censored. Say for instance……….
1. They were supposed to add sentences like “muth marte-marte mera topa khul gaya” after every sentence in their intro.
2. Like” mujhe roz raat ko chul uthti hai”.
3. “Me yahan pe gulabi chute lene aya hun”.
4. “Mujhe kutiya chodne me jada maja ata hai”.
5. “mere gand me keedey hain”.
Well if you are crazy enough like me then you must have got the standard of the condition of ours. And just then it started, yep my first drink. I had the first one with vodka and cold drink and took it real slow and tried to enjoy it. Then I took a stronger one with two pegs at once and ragged a junior who had a hobby of chatting on omegle and gave him tips of chatting. While In between things like more and more drinking continued and I had like 12 pegs like that till the bar was closed for some time. I kind of danced with friends erratically and did all kinds of weird stuff. I just enjoyed with friends. Then again the bar opened and now things were all different. I can’t remember then how many more I had but I am sure of one thing that they were neat. Then I was just dancing telling people about my frustration. Suddenly I don’t know exactly when I fell down it felt like heaven fell on my head. That was the last thing that I remembered of that night. The next thing that I can remember was I was lying on bare floor of a room of a hostel that I can’t remember, all my clothes were sore. I had puked on them and I was practically lying in the ruble that came out of my own mouth. I collected myself, removed my sweater because it was not in a state that most of the people would have liked to see it. My head was banging and I had a hard time managing my movements and not to say I missed all my classes for that day. I still remember I had a disposable glass in my back pocket that I used for my drinks, I had saved it for more drinks in that night, but I didn’t remember when I fell. Again I slept for like 4-5 hours to clear my head. Later I learned from my friends that I really had fun that night. I did pole dance, kept puking on myself; it really feels good that I did all the right things. I showed concerns for my seniors not being not placed well, I abused girls in general. These are the real things that I really care about. I thanked my seniors for giving such a nice party and asked for their forgiveness for what I did. Anyways it feels great, I can’t remember anything much about it but I know it was worth not knowing it. I want to write a lot about it but I guess I don’t want to make it a huge text but I wish if I could, well I’ll do that in my diary.

About Me

2009-12-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

Don’t read about me I don’t deserve it. I don’t know how I reached here? I did gave the exam where you have to perform in just 3hrs. I don’t have a right to be here. Where I am dumped with 400 geniuses all superior than me and I am forced to win a rat race from them.
I live in past, my memories always keep reminding me the things I had done in the past and all their evil effects. I was good at studies but college took all the confidence from me. People go for departmental positions, act, dance, sing, talk, look beautiful, have girlfriends, drink, enjoy games but I don’t…………… I can’t, even if I try it projects me as a looser and I agree ‘I am a looser’.
I am not cool, and now I had even left hope of ever being. I am just a scrued up joker. I don’t know why I have faith on god has he ever done good for me………..shit why do I think so much why can’t I be real (always have crap scratching my mind). Night outs are a common stuff. Why can’t I get along with any one? No one fucking cares for me and now I had stopped thinking about it. I can’t laugh I don’t deserve it. Future!!! Can anything happen to me. I hate toppers why are they so good at everything, I don’t have any talent. My standards for girls have fallen drastically or may be the other way I know I can’t ever get anyone so I had stopped bothering about me or hell I won’t get one if I try as well.
Why do I chat to unknown complete strangers who don’t even fucking cares about me or not even know me? Staying up night just to talk with someone you don’t know. What I don’t have …………..or I don’t have anything. To me all look the same, I am a crap. why do I take so much care for the people I don’t know and fuck them…..wait they fuck me who knows me. My parents, their relatives whom I don’t even know have so many expectations from me. What if I don’t achieve it, they think I’ll earn in dollars ……….will I even earn anything ever.
Why I always think that people are avoiding me…….or they are actually avoiding me, making a fool of myself. Kind of playing with me as if I don’t have anything to think from as if I blindly trust them. Actually I do trust them even after knowing that they are playing with me. Why I look desperate for everything. People stay online but just avoid me by saying that they are not as they know what a looser I am. Why is everyone so happy other than me? Am I such a big messed up crap? That nothing can ever make me laugh. Why there is so competition? Why can’t I have a girlfriend?
Nothing is ever going to change me, I’ll remain an asshole. Nothing can change me. No one will be affected by my survival or………..do I even have a right to live? Should a person like me be allowed to talk to people always make a fool of me? Any ways they aviod me. I had already thought the best way to leave…………. I avoid parties, meeting people as I know they won’t even like me. Am I such a big dickhead that no one will ever like me? I always have to force myself on others, is that my fate?
No one should ever talk to me; I don’t deserve to live here along with these people. I should be thrown out of the society in some dark deserted corner for the rest of my life.

chit chat on FB

2009-11-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: If you are a girl you shouldn’t read this but if you are a boy and that to a desperate one you must read this.
Wait!!!!! It’s not goanna end your depression but just let know what this depression can bring out of you if you use it as a sword rather than a folly.
Well in most of the cases the reason of frustration is of course is …………………….you all knows.
I was never into this fb(facebook) stuff it’s amazing applications ah! They are beyond my horizon. But I don’t know why? Probably as I told you the depression or as my friends call it frustration made me do it. While checking my home page filled with what my friends like. Soon one of those adds caught me, yes u guessed it right “chat with……….”,”make friends…………” and all as one of my friends liked it as they do on fb.
Well using that utility I made friends with at least 10 girls using that utility without even knowing them. Huh! What don’t think I am goanna tell you what made that possible, it’s a riddle not by tom riddle though its not by tom riddle that you have to solve.
Now it was like an egg that was to be hatched by me. Huh! Dude trust me I am not a hen, I had a hard time behaving like one. None of the girls asked me anything from me except one. I soon started heating that egg. Though she was an American chick and rest can’t be left behind as soon a Spanish chick also joined me the chat.
The Spanish was a little cold as I wasn’t able to hot her because she didn’t knew much English and don’t ask about that American chick she was ‘miss don’t care’ she had loads of attitude and I had a tough time talking to that hard ass, but any how I managed to chat with three girls together.hey! Hey!!!!!!!!!! Don’t freak out, third one who asked about me before adding me.
So basically I tried on three chicks out of which the third one was finally hatched, she was also an American chick dude. I talked to her from 2am to 6am note the time dude. I don’t want to add personal details as she might also read this but her recent picks shows that she is one of the most beautiful chicks I had ever seen.
Don’t jump the bad part is about to commence so basically I slept at 6:30am and woke up at 8am, missed my meal to ran a mile for my class……………wait the worst part is yet to arrive. Though I was jumping in joybut my head had lost its control and I felt like being 10 vodka bottles down and the worst part is I had all the classes that day which used to be half off on normal days. I was sitting on the second bench………..wait trying to keep sitting by making my eyes the hardest pressure that could even had thrown my eyeballs out when the prof asked me to go and wash my face. Don’t worry the effect of ten vodka bottles can’t be just washed by few drops of water. I was still juggling with the state of sleep and the blackboard that reminds me of the night and said to sleep. Nothing strange the prof again asked me to fuck off. Believe me stop having beer and vodka just try not to sleep after a night out in a serious profs boring class. This time I took the extreme step and fucked the class and came to the hostel and went on dreaming and again missed the lunch.

American Warmonger

2009-11-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

Well the most important thing that should be pinching your mind must be “why would America would kill its own citizens?” provided u have something at the right place. The basic reason behind the 9/11 attack was –America only wanted to have a reason to jump into the war. It was not the first time but in 1993 also WTC was attacked but only about 53 people were killed not enough to start a war. And history produces a lot of evidence of this tendency of USA.
Here I would like to bring to your notice that US currency is not backed by any gold or anything else. ”legal tender for all debts, public and private” yes this is what is written on the US dollar simply means backed by nothing. Its value alters by the amount in circulation. In US the currency is not controlled by the government it is controlled by the FEDRAL BANK which is essentially a private bank owned by few bankers – MORGANS, ROCKEFELLERS and others. They give loan to the government on interest and print the currency on paper and as much as they want. Don’t wonder much because the interest will be produced by them only again loaned to anyone. So to return loan u have to take loan again so ultimately someone has to go bankrupt and promote slavery for just pieces of papers printed out of nothing.
Having a look at the First World War in 1914 USA had nothing to do with it in fact Woodrow Wilson then US president declared neutrality. Though American banks were giving loans to Germans but bankers had something else in their mind they were thinking of bringing America to war. According to a recorded conversation” what will America do if Germans sink an ocean liner with US passengers on board –sufficient to bring America to war”. So on may7, 1915 ship called LUSITANIA was deliberately send to German controlled waters. And America entered war and guess largest profit goes to J.D ROCKEFELLER he made 2.7 billion worth.
America’s entrance to Second World War is attributed to the Japanese attack on Perl harbor; well it was known and provoked:
1. halted trade.
2. Froze Japanese assets.
3. Aided japans enemy against the rule of the war.
4. Australian told about the Japanese fleet moving.
Roservoult was from the family of bankers. Before Perl harbor Americans had nothing to do with the war but post 1 million volunteered for the war. While it is interesting to note that German Nazi forces were supported by I.G FARBEN a company produces weapons whose partner was J. D ROCKEFELLER and US std oil company in fact Germans were unable to fly without that fuel. Same kind support was given by Union Banking Corp NYC. They had 300, 0000 Nazi cash which was later ceased. Guess who the director of that bank was -Prescott Bush grandfather of George bush.
Talk about the Vietnam War the report says 2 US destroyers were attacked which they later claimed never happened. US turned this small incident to a full fledged war. And certain conditions were told to Vietnam about the kind of war as: which locations would not be bombed etc. moreover the flyers were ordered not to bomb the missile systems unless they become fully operational, what kind of war that was? Probably those made the war go long and sustained 3,000,000 dead Vietnamese.
Now talk about 9/11 as I had already discussed. It was planned to provoke Iraq and Afghanistan and not to forget against us. Illegal laws were made for that anyone can be a terrorist. Don’t u still know the reason for war:
1. Destabilization of Iraq.
2. War sustained, region can be divided and the domination over oil be removed.
3. Continual profit from the defense contractors.
4. Permanent military bases are stabilizing in Iraq to control the neighboring oil bearing countries IRAN and SIRIA.
In 2005 two American soldiers were arrested by Iraqi police dressed as Arabs with SAS and shooting at people. They were placed in Basra where later tanks physically broke them out. They are still working on their divide and rule motto in the name of Taliban, region , Muslim countries, class, race and many others.

9/11 crude

2009-10-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

Boom-boom don’t get excited its not a diwalli cracker nor even a title from venga boys it is the sound herd by people in WTC on sep,9th 2001 and this same sound will rock ur conscience .well time may be the most powerful healer but those memories might not have faded just need to brush them up. According to us news release they were not prepared never had a thought that anyone can use an airplane as a missile. While those fuckkers had conducted a same operation called “MASCAL” using airplanes as weapon and what to tell about the warnings French govt continuously gave warnings of a possible attack but the on arable president went on a month long vacation. Though it is known that the money for this operation was supplied through PAK with a man named Omar shaik with the support of ISI but no one was fucked for it.
Who was blamed for the attack yup it was Osama b laden the well known terrorist so just for now just talk about him, I don’t know why ?but bush and him seems to have been sharing an intimate relationship !!!!!don’t get excited I m not going to prove that bush is a gay but still don’t know why? In jan 2001 bush ordered CIA to back off all the investigation in a case involving the laden family when even they were living in Virginia next to CIA office and the world’s most dangerous threats family for forbidden on grounds of humanity. Well the video showing Benladen claiming responsibility doesn’t looks well enough as his face looks sunken, it becomes difficult to conclude from that video that it was him. it looks that it was planned for him. let’s have another look at their relations Jorge walker bush earlier went to meet Benladens father way back in Arab on behalf of a company called CARLYLE GROUP world’s largest defense contractor and dare to believe me that company had been making huge profits post 9/11.
Let’s be specific about the pentagon tower, Hani Hanjour was a terrible pilot still he managed a 2700 spiral to hit the tower straight away. And what a crash it was in the rubble no seats were found not even pats of plane. The official theory about it is they all were vaporized due to fire in the turbine fuel. It had two Royall’s Royce engine weighing 67 tones each which is scientifically impossible to vaporize. The terrorist were identified through finger prints and passports now what kind of a shitty fire would vaporize steel and titanium but spare human bodies and paper. In fact the owners of those passports are still alive. The video showing the attack in CCTV was immediately confiscated by the authorities and till date it not being released, aren’t they hiding something.
Why to leave behind WTC 1,2and 7.the cause behind the demolition of the building is said to be the pancake theory accordingly fire melted their contact with the inner steel column and they fell like a pack of cards .well if that is to be believed the inner core of 47 massive steel columns must have been standing but I guess superman must have broken them with his punch. if u ask the engineers the building was capable of withstanding 8 Boeing attacks but just fell changed to debris within no time just with free flowing velocity while facing huge resistance from the steel core. Only superman might not have been able to do it he must have been backed by the Bushman. It was amazing that no chair, table and computer … ….. Was found! only debris doesn’t it looked like a demolition of an old skyscraper and those steel columns were cut at an angle as done in planned demolition. But now the Bushman was unable to explain the molten iron found 6weeks after the explosion there. That was a product of thermite reaction forming molten iron and aluminum oxide that flies off as dust; remember the enormous amount of dust storm that looked no less than a rocket launch. And they never talked about building 7 which was not even hit by a plane explained by the fire theory that never happened. Looks like I forgot to mention about the second explosion that happened in the basement just minutes before the plane attack, was that the beginning of the reaction .
And what happened to NORAD it takes them only 10 minutes to track send jets but on that day they got 80minutes still the jets were not flying. Was it the superman flying interrupting their view no……………..?it was the bushman they were operating same kind of live fly hijack sortie. When the 9/11 commissions the asked Bush and Cheney were asked to appear separately they still appeared together and gave the joint statement.
We see only what they wanted us to see through their news agencies and we are made to believe it .And none of us are brave enough to challenge their view .mind me Americans are not that dumb as they tell you in call centers. They are really hard ass motherfuckers. u must be wondering why would anyone do such to its own citizens well there is a grave reason behind that as well wait for a while I will let u know that as well.

TRIP TO PATNA

2009-09-19T04:35:00.000-07:00

Ah! This is my last day at hostel before holidays I was determined to post this blog and it is a crunch moment as net was fumbling like Indian fielder but finally with jonty rohdes coaching now it will allow me to do so. While eloping from a ragging schedule I landed up patna.i came to patna with my friend a local guy wt(without ticket) for the 1st time .my friend had a horny look same I was expecting from his sister , your expectations r always higher than reality but in this case they were sky rocketing than reality. His sister was one of the worse that I had ever seen and that too with a typical bihari accent and with phata bans offcose. That had shattered my frist hope patna and later as well they were not satisfied. Patna is a small city like any other in the country or I might have not seen the real part.
I started my day with the campus of nit patna my perception of patna touched a new depth.it was established in a old building of some science college .my main motive was to have a look at the girls which had arrived from various colleges to take part in nit patnas tech fest. There I felt satisfied with the standard and quantity as well. Have thorough knowledge of my great interest my friends took me through a gulli full of girls hostels any one can imagine the aura of such a place without much of cerebration .following next was a gulli full of coaching centers with banners claiming them to be iitans as if the entire students have found their overseas placement here in a narrow lane. The other thing that I constantly noticed was beautiful girls I still wonder what might have been the scene had they opened their shutters to speak that bihari accent .
The next day my friend went to meet his GF and I went to the place that they claim have the best malls in patna , the zoo. I realized what actually they call mall, believe me it was pitiable .my friend was quite conservative about his GF he never let anyone se her message or even number and that day too he was hiding from us but on way back from the zoo we spotted him with a girl and probably he had not seen me. As they passed me I was jumping of joy not but because I had spotted his little secret but for the fact that I don’t have a GF I even enjoyed a chilled drink in what seems to be my victory. His GF was a mere 5pointer and he used to boast about her I was better not having a GF than her.
When we made my friend realize that we had spotted his GF he was not in any mood to believe the fact and to bring him on earth I had followed his GF in those narrow gullis filled with girls hostels I was sacred for a moment what if people around will start pushing me for following a girl whatever be her looks. But finally I reached her hostel and we had a treat with my friend and his GF and I gave her the respect she deserved.

2009-09-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

The boards exams were near, and though I had a little trauma before the exams but I kept reminding myself that there were other things to do at that moment. I had a special technique to do that, I used to hit my cerebrum hardly with my hand that too because of a funny conception of mine our thinking is controlled by it so if we could give it a little shaker the thoughts may vanish .you’ll get to know me I m a huge fundebaaz and I create them out of nothing and most of the times the exactly fit to the scenario. We all studied a bit lesser in our exam time and continue to felt that our exams would have been better had they been conducted a good month earlier as if we were Ashok Gangully deciding the schedule of the of the board exams. We had to go through them at the time they were decided .well lot of you might be felling that it is too much general please have patience .

Well I had prepared for the exams but I had a different way of preparing instead of reading a lot I tend to read more specifically from ncert books and previous years question without caring how many times the syllabus might have changed. It was my believe and brought confidence in me though it seemed ill logical to many. I tend to form my own conceptions ‘I told u about fundas ‘ according to which the exam paper of chemistry should be difficult this time around as it was for physics the last time but it failed as the paper seemed easier than again another conception I formed !!!! Physics must be tough. aah that too didn’t happened and for the last shot I though now with all our core exams falling easier it should be English exam that should matter and yup ‘in the end’ it did.

Well most of my batch mates had a habit of reading in front of the exam centre early in the morning but I had a different thing to do because it makes me nervous so I tend to do things that I didn’t during school hrs ……….yes u guessed it right looking at girls which had gathered from different schools from the roof of my friends house so that vice versa could not be possible. Though ladies remain in their tashan every single time u gaze at them but it is the only time they can b seen in panic …..moving around chanting lessons and asking for your help . Don’t u think they look beautiful that way and moreover it feels great to see someone pleading for god’s mercy who tends to ask for their mercy on u . Though girls always tend to take greater care of their appearance than anything else so it was natural that they would take the same care of their answer sheets as well as in the case of English which was supposed to change the route of Nile definitely curves along their way. We can only try to match them as their path is not so curvy by that time. I managed to equate with them that had made all the difference.

It was my math exam supposed be the last day when I could see her for the last time again my conception but it was true. I saw her but couldn’t see though her deep eyes as she dropped her face before I could have a glance and rushed pass me as if I was about to swallow the entire arena around that place. But she was still the most beautiful I could ever imagine anyone to b. we had a lot of holidays before the next exam ‘though they were finished for her ‘we tried to enjoy our time but useless as we didn’t knew how to do that

when i proposed her

2009-08-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

5th dec 06
i cant forget this day in my entire life,i was facing my 1st pre board exam of english but instesd of studies a lot more was going on in my little grey matter.well this was the most important thing of my life"it appaered to me that time but later a lot important things came and go".this day i gathered all my courage and proposed her ."when i was telling her i was soterrified that i even closed my eyes and thought of some thing else".i already knew what the responce would be as i never talked to any girl and suddenly i was proposing to the most smartest,sexiest girl of my class.

i wished i could hav receved a nice slap ! atleast she would have touched me.she already had a boyfrend whom she couldnt ditch for me .she offered me her frendship but i was so dumbstruct with my own action that i was just out of my mind and did not responded

as soon as she went away i was jumping in joy ,i had gathered that courage needed for proposing afterall its not that difficult to propose as they show in movies. probably it was not hard for me becose i already knew the result.but i didnt scruedup my exam .just when i reached home i was taken by the dark sadness oh! god i had lost her for ever.now i was feeling the pain .i was unable to move ,my head was without that grey matter with board exams hounting and the pressure mounting on me i was just thinking just about her smile ,her beauty and nothing at all.i was about to screw it all